Dreamland

It's been a while since I had the urge to write about the only real thing in my life. And, of course, that's not because she has become any less real or important now, it's only because I've forgotten how to put such strong emotions into words. It's hard to explain these feelings. These feelings, they keep me hostage to your words. What you say, what you feel and how you do it all makes all the difference to how I feel.

The way you open your eyes in the morning, the way you close your eyes at night, the way you laugh with me, the way you laugh at me, the way you look at me, the way you get angry when I can't stop myself from fooling around, the way you hold me when you feel insecure, the way you hold me when you just feel happy, the way you lean on me when we take pictures, the way you lean on me when you're about to fall asleep, the way you hug me when I sleep, the way you put your hands between my arms just to warm up, the way you make me a little frustrated and the way you simply make me smile again, the way you try so hard to be angry at me but just end up laughing, the way you walk into the kitchen just to get me a drink, the way you wait up late nights just to sleep with me, the way you play video games with me just to show you care, the way you look when you put on a shirt of mine, the way you...

The way you do all these things (and so much more) is what pushes me even closer toward your heart. You are my gravity, forever pulling me closer to you and I simply can't stop myself. These past three weeks or so have been simply beautiful. In a way, I'm kind of glad we were stuck at home. At least, that way, I could spend every waking minute with you, just you. I feel I have to thank you. Not just for taking a 35 hour flight here, but for showing me what my world could be. A dreamland filled with butterflies and moonlight. I can't imagine a better world. I can't imagine a better girl; you are my dream girl, Miki Lim! You have my heart and all that is in it. And you always will.

What I Want...

I want to hold your hands

so much that I'm afraid I might never let go

I want to feel your hands

holding my cheeks in your palms

I want to hug you tight

so tight that I'm afraid you might suffocate

I want to feel your skin

under my sheets every night

I want to kiss your lips

so sweet that I'm afraid you might get sick

I want to kiss you all the time

and your lip is just the start

I want to feel your warmth

so much that I'm afraid of this cold lonely night

I want to make you feel the warmth

just like eating an apple pie

I want to hear your voice

so much that I'm afraid I might have nothing to say

I want to hear that all-so-cute laugh you have

still just as cute even when we're in bed

I want to feel your cheeks

so much that I'm afraid I might squeeze it red

I want to feel your cheeks

even more if its from the inside

I want to feel you

so much that I'm afraid I... will be afraid

I want to feel you

every single inch of you

I will always love you

so much that I'm afraid you might never understand

I will always miss you

Both physically and emotionally

I will always want you

for all that you are; even more for all that you aren't

I will always be there for you

beside you and inside you

So hold me in your heart;

Hug me in your sleep;

Kiss me in your dreams;

Remember the warmth;

and I'll remember your voice;

the sweetness from your cheeks;

Can you feel me inside you sweetie?

Purple Butterfly

Will you be my purple butterfly?

Let me tell you a lil' story. There once was a female butterfly named Violet. She had beautiful wings made up of a dark blueish purple. She was grand and stunning. Many male butterflies were friendly with Violet; some were even over-friendly. But Violet never took interest in anything before. You see, butterflies are attracted to butterflies with similar wings. And it isn't easy to find a mate with purple wings. Violet was lonely and wanted nothing more than to find her companion.

One day, something caught Violet's eye. It was a bold shade of purple, even grander than Violet's very own set of wings. She was jealous but even more so, in love. She asked for name but there was no answer. She tried to mingle but to no avail. Yet, Violet had never met any butterfly with such great colour. She refused to give in. Even if it were to be for the rest of her live, she would never give in. So, everyday, she would fly around this bold colour, waiting for an answer, waiting for a response, any response would do. She just wanted something. But, no, there was no reply. She would fly and fly, constantly hovering above, "I need to get his attention" Violet thought. When she became too tired to fly, she couldn't help but lay on the bold purple. And when she awoke, she continues to hover above. This fascination...no, this addiction to the bold purple had made Violet obsessed, to the point of forgetting about food and water.

Days had passed and Violet's strength is starting to fade. Her will remains adamant but starvation shows no mercy. Violet began to slowly fall, as she fights, she flaps her wings with furious intentions but falls nonetheless, like a dry leaf in mid-autumn. As she falls, all she could think of was the bold purple. This colour she had never seen, this colour she never will see...this colour she can never have. She falls tirelessly on an iris, a flower with bold purple petals; one's that look like magical butterfly wings. As the wind takes away her life, an iris petal lands over Violet's body. She had finally got what she wanted, even if it were just a little late.

You had many choices of other butterflies. Yet, you chose an iris instead. Unlike the story, I treasure your life more than you can imagine. Afterall, you've already changed my life. Let me be there with you. I want to be there for the rest of your life; I'll hold you till the very end. So, will you be my purple butterfly?

Being with You

Its not a silly lil moment

this relationship we have

I'm sure of it

Even if I don't know where we're headed

This distance is chipping away

slowly at our hearts

Its like I can't get a hand

on the depths of your heart

All I have is the voice I hear

and I'm desperate for more

No...I'm even more afraid

Afraid that I might lose just a little bit of you

I'll fight my way through

this wall thats keeping us apart

I'll kick down the door

thats holding us back

We have problems

I know we do

But none of it matters,

not as much as being with you...

I'll continue to hold your hands

in this cloudy storm

Didn't I tell you...

I'll never let go

Magical Land Behind Your Eyes

My eyes are tired

I've been staring at my phone

for way too long now...

I just want to hear your call

I force myself to stay awake

I need you to be by my side

so I wouldn't have to be alone

under this cold cold blanket

Let me put my hand around your waist

Give me a chance

to kiss you on the lips

as I hold you from behind

This might all sound like a fantasy

It might as well be

Cause I couldn't imagine myself this addicted

to such a pretty voice

Lets live this fantasy together

let me be your shining white knight

I'll save you from this reality

You will always be in my dreams

Grey Skies

There comes a time
when the sky seems grey
when the empty streets seem endless

There comes a time
when it's lonely even when you're not alone
when all you see are shadows even when there is light

There comes a time
when life trips you over and you land on your face
when people have nothing nice to say

There comes a time
when smoking a cigarette just isn't enough
when alcohol can't take away the pain

There comes a time
when your heart tears apart
when your feet can't walk the talk

There comes a time
when you're just tired of everything
when all you want is to give up

But even leafless trees live through harsh winters
even a fish can live beneath 6 feet of ice
All might seem lost
But it's just frozen in frost

I Hear it All

I hear everything. The winter's wind blowing against the concrete walls that surround this stagnant world of mine, with you as it's center. The undying clock on my wall, ticking away toward the time where I can hold you once again; this time, I won't be able to let go. The clustered thoughts I have of work, classes, home and a future; every one of which overshadowed by the beautiful voice of a girl from what I can only presume to be a dream. Your voice echoes in my head gently like a caressing hand on my cheek. I can hear it all;

The way you say "Hello"
the way you say "Dear"
the way you say "I hate you"
the way you say "I love you"

I can hear everything from
"yoooo" said with such a cute tone
to "hao" when you listen to what I have to say...

It is hard to understand why I hear so much of your voice even when you're not here. Your voice is all I have and it's worth more than you can imagine. Its almost like an endless addiction; the constant urge to hear anything and everything you have to say. But, still, I want more than just to hear your voice. I want what I can't have yet, but I have what I never thought I could have had...you.