The Holocaust

Lately, in my religion class(student of a Catholic school), we have been... not studying but trying to faintly relive the Holocaust... to scarcely feel what the victims have felt.. Feeling the emotions of these victims is absolutely impossible... How could anyone re-enact such agony and suffering of millions of people...

The Holocaust has always brought in varying thoughts. My thoughts on the Holocaust evolves around a sick and sadistic plan of an ambitious and relentless determination of a merciless man. The Holocaust was a long-thought-of plan just to eliminate those who weren't of the Aryan race, mainly Jews. Although this plan was of such mawkish determination, this plan was undoubtedly ethically and morally unsound. This plan which was thought of just to further "perfect" the human race(and of course HItler's dislike towards Jews) was unsound then and still is now. This cruel result to the past victims makes the word discrimination seem fatally weak. While the Jews were not only stripped of their worldly properties but to millions of these victims, slaughtered inhumanely which leaves all others to feel a sense of disgust and agony.

The most fatal thought is the thought of even being able to plan out such an inhumane, monstrous and heartless genocide which have hurt millions of people, not only victims but others too. I don't feel that I have much of a right to express my insignificant thoughts compared to the millions before me who have suffered pain and anguish which in a way, is incomparable to any other wretchedness.

But I can say that the truth of the Holocaust have left me with sorrow for the victims and anyone who was involved with the victim. It has also caused a great dent in the history of mankind, mainly because of the killings but also because of the insanity of one man which was pursued by many others (the Nazis). The pitiful indulgence of mankind in utter stupidity is quite the disappointment and more of a letdown to the so called "perfected" creatures called man.

I Remember

For the past few months or even the past year or so... I have been struck by recalls of my childhood days... my childhood days where I used to go to church every Sabbath day... days where I used to strive toward God... days where I used to strive to alleviate my christianity... days where I used strive to the accompaniment of God... I remember the days where God was my main goal.. where God was not just a dream or just a man-made image... where I was repeatedly exhilarated by the omnipresence of God... where God was an enthusiastic part of my life... where even if the world were annihilated, it didn't matter because God gave me an utter sense of security which was perpetually resembled by the eternal love and everlasting care of an affectionate parent(or more so parents)...

But now... now I fret... now I fear... now I'm immensely insecure by the warring hearts of mankind... Now, I have gradually and painfully lost this security... I have subconsciously lost sight of the Alpha and Omega, the Savior, my Guardian, my God... I cannot lie to myself and announce Him as my God and yet, not offering myself fully into His guardianship... I want to find Him once again... I want to be able to feel the immense satisfaction of the connection with Him once again... I want to be able to put my life into His nurture and fullfill His demands or wishes He has planned for me even before my toddler days, even before my rugrat days... I sometimes take night walks hoping to catch a glimpse of His presence... hoping that somehow I could find my way back to His endearment... hoping to fall back into the depths of His evermore benevolence...

And I fear... I fear that I can't find Him... I fear that my life cannot once again be put into His ardent love... I fear that I have drifted a little too far from the grasp of His passionate care... I fear that my limited view on God is inadequate... that my love for God is just lacking... I fear that life itself would pull me down to the abyss of influences and temptations without the avail and guidance of God... All I can hope and pray for is that I would once again see the light of day where the presence of God is ecstatic in, around and about me... that I would once again be able to see through the dark and gloomy days of obscured reluctance and antipathy...

Christmas

As time passes by, Christmas draws closer... and yet the meaning of Christmas drifts further away than ever... Christmas has ultimately just deteriorated to become just another festival...just another occasion for a family reunion... just another feast which is consumed by people who do not or have not ever had the slightest clue as to the true life and meaning of Christmas... People who don't really understand what or why Christmas is what it is... And I might be categorized as someone who does not or has not grasped the true meaning of Christmas...

People always say Christmas is a time of giving... We all hear through the media, Christmas is a time of happiness and celebration... But to most people, the sole reason Christmas is what it is said to be is because Christmas is now just another holiday... although it is a little more celebrated in some countries but it has now become just another holiday, another vacation, another chance to indulge in the idleness of humanity... however, I have lost that point of view on Christmas... Christmas is not just another getaway anymore(maybe because finals come right after Christmas)... All I see now in Christmas, is the rememberance of Jesus' birthday... It might not be the exact date of birth of Jesus, but the fact remains... All I see in Christmas is just another reminder... reminder of where we all come from... reminder of what we are made of... A reminder of our Creator... In a way, Christmas is, to me, a memo from Jesus... reminding us that He was born on Christmas and He has died for us(the very same creatures who had killed Him)... reminding us that life is just not about me, myself and I... reminding us that we are not alone as lopsided as the odds may be... reminding us that we are just human after all... and life should not be wasted on the explicit lavishness of the over-spending consumerists...

Christmas has only been interpreted as just another... another common time of entertainment... another average period of festivities... just another joyous occasion... just another holiday... which I feel has been quite the misleading concept of Christmas.

Time

All I can do...is to look forward
forward to the future
despite grief
despite agony
despite regrets
despite bliss
despite glee
despite merriment
despite change
All I can do
is to look to the future

I wonder if I would dissapoint my future
dissapoint myself
dissapoint my family
dissapoint my friends
dissapoint God
dissapoint the world

I wonder if I would get lost
lost in the world
lost in time
lost and alone
without the priviledge of companionship
without the advantage of a relationship
without the hope I require to move on

I wonder where life would take me
life without friends
life without love
life without relationships
or
life accompanied by a soulmate
life replenished with love
life evolving around inevitable relationships

I wonder what time would do
to me, my life
to relationships
to love
to time
to people
to the world